#she doesn't want to be crying but she has fourteen year old emotions and she's in a safe space with her guard down and it just happens!!

[mixelation]

when mutagenicity!minato makes team 4, he does know that kushina will probably imprint on them. for a while she's just passionately calling them "my students" and that's cute. he loves that for her. but then she occasionally calls them "my children" and he's like. hmm. weird but kushina is passionate. but she slowly starts saying it more often, and then, one day, "our children." and he realizes way to late in the game that maybe he made a mistake

[littlemarianah]

Katniss is canonically an doting mother.

She has no problem carrying them as many times as they ask. Never ignore them when they are crying and never get angry when they're acting like children. She doesn't care about wet beds or glasses of juice spilled on the table.

Peeta finds it a little strange at the beginning. He was raise with punishment for the smallest accidents. His parents were never very affectionate with any of their children.

One day Katniss is tying Willow's shoes and he says something like "It's time to do it yourself, young lady"

"Take your time, Willow" Katniss say.

Which makes Peeta reflect. It reminds him of all the times he walked to school with his shoes untied because no adult wanted to tie them for him. It reminds him of how he used to be punished for his dirt-stained shoelaces when he came home from school.

When Rye wets the bed at almost five years old, Peeta's first instinct is to warn him, but Katniss says it first:

"Maybe we should drink less water before going to sleep"

Which reminds Peeta of how angry his mother would get when he wet the bed. The first time he remember being physically punished was after an incident like this . Remember how after that he tried to hide the wet bed with blankets and pillows and never spoke to anyone again.

And how Rye, in contrast, would wake him up in the middle of the night saying, "Daddy, I did it again." And Peeta let him sleep between him and Katniss instead of him lying in the wet bed like Peeta did when he was a child.

He shares some of these feelings with Katniss and she makes and he realizes how dysfunctional his family was. And how difficult it is not to repeat the same mistakes.

Peeta felt triggered when one of his children cried... He remembered how much worse it was for him if he cried. But Willow was only six years old and it was normal to cry like that, Peeta learned to wipe away her tears and teach her to regulate her emotions.

One day he caught her stealing some coins from the bakery's cash register. He stopped in complete shock looking at her. He felt fear spread through his body. He remember that it was for this reason that his mother beat his older brother. She took a wooden spoon from the kitchen and hit his hands fourteen times. The number of letters that are in the phrase "I shouldn't steal".

She made Peeta and his middle brother watch. Remember Bran's face turning red as he held back tears and spelled "s-t-e-a-l". When his father came home and saw Bran's hands red at dinner time he didn't ask what happened. Remember hearing Bran cry at bedtime that night.

He felt afraid for Willow.

"What are you doing?"

"I just want to buy some gum on the way to school" she said innocently, not seeming to realize the problem.

"You shouldn't take the coins from there. These money are from the bakery. If you want money to buy something you should ask me or your mother"

She returned the coins to the cash register and nodded.

One day Peeta realized that his children saw no other purpose for a wooden spoon other than stirring the food in the pan.

[heavensbeehall]

"Catching Fire", Chapter 15

Part 2: The Quell

Chapter 15: The Preps keep crying when Katniss arrives in the Capitol. Cinna's new costume turns her into a burning ember. She goes down to the chariots and meets Finnick Odair. Katniss thinks he's creepy but I have read these books before so I know she's wrong. They do the Tribute Parade. Chaff kisses Katniss and she doesn't like it. Johanna strips naked and she doesn't like it. Peeta tells her they are teasing her and she's mad. Also. Darius is their new Avox.

Thoughts:

-- Katniss thinks she "has" to console the Preps and that it's annoying. But she could also just cry with them, but I don't think she can allow herself to be vulnerable in front of them.

-- How ugly do we think the District 10 costumes were? I'm picturing one of those inflatable cow Halloween costumes.

Quotes:

"Don't worry. I always channel my emotions into my work. That way I don't hurt anyone but myself."

D: D: D:

Cinna knows exactly what he is doing with the Mockingjay costume. In addition to designing "dozens" of wedding dresses, he then remade the winning one with an entire other dress underneath it. And I can't help but feel that--if he got the preps away safely--he could have gotten himself away, but he chose to stay. I am assuming he wanted to be with Katniss at the launch room. (Either that or he treats his life as nothing but a performance art piece?) Didn't want her to go in alone. But she did anyway. D: D: D:

"Portia and I spent a lot of hours watching fires," says Cinna.

Are they together? Or just work partners?

Finnick Odair is something of a living legend in Panem. Since he won the Sixty-fifth Hunger Games when he was only fourteen, he's still one of the youngest victors. Being from District 4, he was a Career, so the odds were already in his favor, but what no trainer could claim to have given him was his extraordinary beauty. Tall, athletic, with golden skin and bronze-colored hair and those incredible eyes. While other tributes that year were hardpressed to get a handful of grain or some matches for a gift, Finnick never wanted for anything, not food or medicine or weapons. It took about a week for his competitors to realize that he was the one to kill, but it was too late. He was already a good fighter with the spears and knives he had found in the Cornucopia. When he received a silver parachute with a trident--which may be the most expensive gift I've ever seen given in the arena--it was all over. District 4's industry is fishing. He'd been on boats his whole life. The trident was a natural, deadly extension of his arm. He wove a net out of some kind of vine he found, used it to entangle his opponents so he could spear them with the trident, and within a matter of days the crown was his.

I am getting tired of people trying to tell me Finnick and Annie weren't Careers. Finnick definitely was and Annie probably was. It taking a week for his competitors to realize how popular he was suggests that going in at 14 was a ploy to make him less threatening to the others. Possibly he didn't join the Career pack because of his age (though it doesn't specificy.) This passage also hints at Mags, his mentor, having another skill besides making fish hooks. She must have squeezed a lot of money out of Capitol citizens for that trident and timed it's arrival strategically.

I really want a District 4 book because I want to know about their Career training system. It seems slightly different from the other two, more individualized perhaps.

Because of his youth, they couldn't really touch him for the first year or two.

The Capitol won't sex traffic a 14-year-old kid. But once he's sixteen, that's fine, right?

(It's actually kind of sad that multiple people tease her for being "pure"--as Peeta says--uncomfortable with nudity and kissing. They must have all had fucked up sexual awakenings.)

He's draped in a golden net that's strategically knotted at his groin so that he can't technically be called naked, but he's about as close as you can get.

I hope Mags' costume isn't matching!!!

Probably this drives most people crazy. But for some reason all I can think of is old Cray, salivating over some poor, starving young woman.

Cray is not far off from the aura he is giving off. Maybe I shouldn't bring up my dark Finnick headcanons. But... his persona must be mimicking people he knew, right? So... was he exposed to sexuality before he was 14??? Or did this Finnick not emerge until after the Games?

"Do you think we'd have ended up like this if only one of us had won?" he asks, glancing around at the other victors. "Just another part of the freak show?"

"Sure, especially you," I say.

I think Katniss would've ended up like Johanna or Haymitch if she had won alone, actually. Though if Prim survived she would try to keep it together for her sister. I don't know about Peeta. Katniss seems convinced he'd be worse than her. I could see him ending up like the Morphlings, maybe, since they have so much in common (and also the only way I see him winning alone is by hiding in his rock). But I could also see him being a really good mentor, like Mags.

The woman, Seeder, looks almost like she could be from the Seam, with her olive skin and straight black hair streaked with silver. Only her golden brown eyes mark her as from another district. She must be around sixty, but she still looks strong, and there's no sign she's turned to liquor or morphling or any other chemical form of escape over the years. Before either of us says a word, she embraces me. I know somehow it must be because of Rue and Thresh. Before I can stop myself, I whisper, "The families?"

This is a small moment but it's important to me and I'm sad it was cut from the film.

[gyubby99]

I've decided that the speaker/narrator/subject of my songs would all turn into my ocs, so here is how I picture them

Sweet Lily - This song is too personal for me, so I'm just going to picture this character as someone who has a lot of insecurities, who's been used all their life, and started thinking that maybe they're the problem. Their only escape is social media where they meet the narrator of the song, speaking to this "Lily" person.

Personality wise, I think this person is extremely smart and talented but often doubt themself too much. They're like the lovliest people you've ever met in your entire life. In real life they're a very soft spoken person who always seems to be smiling, atleast that's how I pictured the character and the overall song vibe lol

I think she's gonna be a girl named 'Lily'? I'm not sure.

Applause - Very angsty teenager. The type of person who got their very first heartbreak and after that is almost unrecognizable. Like, heartbreak new me lol.

Hopeless romantic and a very emotional sensitive being, that's what they are. And they see nothing wrong with that! A bit petty and extremely sassy. But they have a big heart that's in the right place. Only when you fuck them up would she be a total biatch to u lol

Yep. This character would be a 'she'. Her name would beeeeeee Alex.

Hope - Very similar to Liana's character Alistar. Or maybe it's actually him.

He somewhat came to mind, but there are tons of people I know can possibly be the inspo for this, like the people I've seen on the internet thinking things are over for them just for them to find someone who's right for them (not necessarily romantic) and it somehow gives them hope.

But Alistar.. most of the parts especially the last one, he influenced a little.

But on a separate character, I think I'll name him.. Edward. The other person he's talking about? I'm choosing a "Charlotte"

Dove - Similar to Taylor Swift's "James" character in the folklore love triangle. And shall I say no more.

I'll never love again - OOOFFFFF She's unstable. Mentally not well. Send help.

I wrote this song because I wanted to give "the other woman" a sad pov. Because typically most of the songs are just like 'yeah well im secretly banging your man haha im having so much fun in my life' but I was like "wait but when you're the other woman, you're just a side piece and never often viewed as a human being.. isn't that sad? That the person you'd devote your whole life to only comes to you when they're bored? Isn't that a bit.. not so fun?"

So I wrote it. Im not defending this character's actions, I just wanted to have a little realistic take on what I think the perspective of some "other women" are.

Back to the character, Oh, she came from a household that does nothing but berate her for every single thing that she does. And so this.. person comes in and gives her the validation that she lacked all throughout her life and she falls inlove.. whilst knowing that that person might have tied the knot with someone else?

And she knows she's being used but she doesn't care as long as it's her. And she wanted things to be different, she wanted to end things but she cant. She's stuck. She's trapped. And if ever she ends things with this person she'll.. never love again. It's scary. She's scared that she'll never get that attention again and thinks that they're the only person in the world who understands her. Out of 8 billion people for crying out loud.

Heart of stone from SIX kinda came to mind in this, so.. yeah.

I think her name would be Melody. I have mixed feelings about her as a person which probably makes it better. I love her cause she's my child but like.. she's a bit problematic. She's my problem child.

The only one - if Dear John had a much more younger version, it would be this. But it's about.. SA. Trigger warning for this.

In my head I'm picturing this person as a fourteen year old girl who got taken advantage of by her second father figure after her father died. They had a lot of time together but then that night happened, and she tried to keep it secret out of fear, and she hates herself for not being strong enough to break the lies sooner.

I think she's kind of similar to Lily, and she's a very sweet, soft spoken, wouldn't hurt a fly but would kick a man in the balls if she had to..

The event caused her several nightmares and her only escape just like Lily, is social media. I have a theory that maybe the narrator of this song is also the narrator of "sweet Lily" trying to give advice she doesn't follow herself.

It would be really fun if they sort of found each other and had a more meaningful connection together. They would work out.

Although this person is not a saint either, she rebels and lies a little bit and she jusy says that it's a part of being a teenager. She sleeps late at night, she neglects school, and she's more likely to have adhd as well. She's just like those typical teenagers growing up. She never leaves the room

And her situation got worse when she started getting "late night room visits" from uncle. She stays past one in the morning, she never leaves the room so she couldn't see his face, procrastinates because of the stress he's putting on her, spends more time on her phone for a distraction.

Her name is Rosella. She's a handful teen but she never deserved any of that.

Everything you do - I don't know if you guys have ever watched korean novelas but this guy has that type of vibe. He watches the love of his life being happy with someone else and he's just letting them be happy, doing everything for them to stay that way, having this sort of "best boy standard" personality, he has it all.

He's sweet, and timid. Ofcourse he has a personality outside of being inlove with someone. He mostly cares about academics more than his crush if I'm being honest. He excels in history, and has a lot of traits that can sometimes attract a person. He's very likeable. The type of guy to just smile and say "sorry" at everything instead of being a cocky jock that you bump into down the school hallways.

Personally I would like to be his friend. He's extremely protective of his loved ones and would never pass up and opportunity to sacrifice things for them, even his own happiness. He tries his best to listen and understand you when you communicate with your feelings, and he's not that much of a talker himself and has troubles with expressing how he feels, so he gets you.

He has a lot of habits like oversharing when he's comfortable with someone, and physical ones like tapping his pen onto the table if he doesn't understand something from a schoolwork. He has trouble asking for help but won't hesitate to guide you if you ever need one. He's very introverted, and an optimist.

He has more to it than the song, which is about him having an unrequited crush on someone. Though I won't explicitly tell the gender of his crush because I'm keeping it neutral for ur imagination.

Along my journey of writing this I've decided to name him Zachary.

Never loved you - My girl. She's my favorite child. Jk I don't have a favorite child. But this is my favorite song that I've written, and she was my first child.

A sassy, savy educated young princess who is willing to fight for what is right, what she thinks is right and what she knows is right. She's probably in her early 20's like 21 years old.

She's fierce, sweet, can be cold-blooded when she needs to, feisty, strong, independent woman who can lead on her country without a king. But unfortunately her story ended on a sad note.

She meets the enemy, he falls inlove, she falls harder.

She is absolutely FERAL for this man. I think whenever she sees him sparring with her with no shirt on she refrains because HES THE ENEMY.

She was for sure a feminist, and is very sassy. She'd always sworn to put love aside because she has important matters to deal with like her kingdom, hence why it always says "I swore that I never loved you" at the end of the two choruses.

She saw the enemy as cold and heartless, referencing the lyric "you never seemed to care"

But then it all changed when they kissed that one night, and now they're doing the freckle frackle.

And so she grows anxious because a war has been declared between both kingdoms, and how she doesn't have the heart to kill the love of her life. And she wished she could've been killed by him instead.

Her personality's a little bit more like Liana's characters Loreley or Alruna, and Anna from the Frozen franchise. But she's more of a chill feisty pants and not the off the bat shits feral feisty pants.

A little background for my girl, she's an only child, because her father had died when she was a year old and her mother never remarried. She was beloved by her mother, and she could try to reason her, but she had immense hatred for the other kingdom and she was scared of disappointing her.

She's a fairly good swordswoman, but she finds her strength in words, she's greater expressing herself with writing in her journal, and have fought several debates regarding the laws, politics and histories in her kingdom.

She hates arranged marriages, but is most likely expecting it when she comes of age in her coronation and wedding day. But she has a few boundaries that her future king should respect in order to earn her respect.

I know there's an even deeper reason she fell harder for Damian, but she keeps that secret to herself. Even she doesn't wanna tell me. Maybe she will?

Her name is Marianne. (Pronounced, "Mar-yan")

Snowflake - *sigh* my bisexual child. She fell inlove with a girl she met over the internet and she was her first love and she's being all cheesy about it making "you're the moon to my sun" pick up lines and just.. she's just a little goofy when it comes to romance and her whole world overall just revolved around her for a bit before she reminded herself that she actually had a life outside her phone screen?

If she and this person actually met irl they would be the cheesiest of lovers. And she's a bimbo I'm confirming it. She's the "everything is now broken and on fire" kind of dumb. The song is actually just a draft and I dont know if I'm continuing it, so there's nothing much to know about her at the moment. When I write something in full or like, I finish halfway through I get a glimpse of what character this person I'm writing as the narrator actually is, and this one's just the "vibe" the beat and the lyrics are giving me.

Literally. It's just a short little draft because I too felt a little cheesy. Lol.

Her name's Emilyn. She prefers to be called "Emmy" cause she doesn't like her name very much. It's too old-timey for her liking, and her mom picked it out. (I do think that this narrator is not on very good terms with her mother)

Talk about it - Oh this is the Damian guy. Marianne's eherm.. lover.

Oh, what do I say about him? His pov is pretty much just like the previous one and I'm gonna put in everything I know for now. Maybe it'll influence me to expand on him by continuing the song idk

He fell inlove first, because she was a badass and he probably wants to be topped as she did. His father and Marianne's mother declared war as the final command before letting their children take the throne.

I'm going to spoil the ending based on Marianne's pov, he dies. But that isn't even the saddest part yet. Marianne gets to be crowned queen.

"Well there's nothing wrong about that!" WRONG.

Marianne gets arranged to marry some random dude two weeks after the war and her lover's death. Nice! But I'll still make my own fanon world of them getting married anyways so canon doesn't really matter. Just be delusional.

And he recognizes her confusion, her anxiety, but he wanted to find a proper way to talk about that. He loves her a lot and it also stressed him to see her stressing about the war declared, and fun fact he used the last bit of strength he had to reach for Marianne, but she was on the other side of the war and couldn't respond.

He tried calling off the war with his father, and tried to reason with him by saying "They're too weak to fight" just so he can convince his father, so he never meant it.

His kingdom had the upper hand at the war, but this man was ready to give his kingdom's legacy up and his whole life for her, so he just waited for something to strike him and then that was it.

And she couldn't break, or else everyone will know she was a traitor sleeping with the enemy.

A little background for him though, he grew up without a mother, lost her to the plague, and his father was medicore dad. Not a bad one but not a good one either. Like he'd let him play outside but let the maids take responsibility when he gets hurt. He never abused him but he never seemed cared for him either, so 50/50.

He was an only child. He was a lone wolf who spent all his life, even his youth, training non-stop. Which means he has like huge muscles.

His dad couldn't care less about what he wants so he's a bit free-spirited like he had free reign over anything in his kingdom.

I think he'd be an ambivert. I've never seen an ambivert character before and I'm getting that vibe from him. He's just a pure soul having fun, honestly. I love that for him.

Monster in a cage - I'll just explicitly tell you that I wrote it about Elsa from Frozen so I don't think I'll ever make a character for that unless I wanted a Frozen rip-off lmfao

But yeah the lyrics are pretty self explanatory if you've seen me post it like, one time. Come on, locked doors and self blaming? If the reference was a snake it would've bitten you already.

Home - probably the youngest of my characters. I love her so much my poor baby child :(

She's probably 9 or 10. She's a daddy's girl who lost her father but she still remembers the promises he made like, childish stuff.. like going to the north pole to build snowmen and snow angels and make a house where they make hot cocoa for the rest of their lives.. just child dreams.

And then he just... he was just gone, and she watched his body slowly succumb to the cruel hands of death. Like she watched it and she didn't even have time to process, because the people screaming for him to wake up were distracting her and she just wants to mute them all and cry herself.

She was traumatized, and now whenever she goes to a hospital she just feels sick. She couldn't get over it, how his body had its last seizure before it completely shuts down. The only comfort she had was that he was in heaven and he's not sick anymore. That's it. That was all.

Im naming this baby girl Jane. I love her so much :(((

*holds gently* if anything happened to her I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

I think that would be all? I need to reread some of them that I forgot before I make another one ig?

[underforeversgrace]

“I'm sorry,” the doctor says, when Valerie is only twelve. “We can keep the worst of the symptoms at bay, but the treatment is experimental. Your insurance won't cover it.”

“That's fine, I can afford it,” Damon Gray says, though tears mist his eyes.

Valerie is quiet. She's old enough to understand what's going on. They buried her mother for something similar last year.

Genetic illness, they'd said back then. Shouldn't affect Valerie until later in life. Hopefully, there will be more treatments.

Valerie Gray is twelve years old the first time she's told she's dying.

~

The second time she's told that, it's five months after Phantom ruined her life. The second time, it's her choice.

“I don't want the treatments anymore, dad,” she says one night over dinner, her father exhausted in his security guard outfit.

“You'll die! Valerie -” he tries to argue, but she cuts him off.

“I'm fourteen. It's my body. Please don't fight me on this.”

Damon looks at her like he's crumbling, and she can't blame him. But they can't afford it anyway. Five months of treatment have drained Damon's life savings. The treatments will stop eventually.

This way, she can pretend it was her choice to stop, and that it isn't money that kills her. 

She hopes she goes out as the Red Huntress. She'd rather die in a fight protecting people than at home in bed while her body just stops working.

“I'll let the treatment center know,” Damon says, his voice breaking.

“I love you, daddy,” she says, burying tears under a tough façade. 

“I love you too, honey,” he says, wrapping his arms around her.

Valerie is never sure which one of them started crying first after that.

~

Valerie fades quickly without the treatment, but she refuses to let it show. She quits Nasty Burger so she has more energy for ghost hunting, but her classmates aren't told she'll be gone soon. She only has one friend left in the school, anyway, and she doesn't want to waste what time she has left with Danny Fenton mourning her before her heart stops beating.

Her doctors refer her to Make A Wish. She's accepted her death.

She just wants to know what she did to deserve this.

“Have you decided your wish?” the volunteer wish granter asks.

“I want to meet Danny Phantom.”

~

It takes a week to get scheduled, but Valerie is meeting Phantom in a local park, in an isolated area, “for his safety” according to the foundation. Technically, Damon or one of the MAW volunteers are supposed to be here with her, but she convinced them to let her go it alone. She's nearly fifteen, after all.

(This might be the oldest she ever gets, after all.)

Her hair is pulled back and tucked into the hood she's wearing as she studies the cracked ground beneath her. The sicker she gets, the more easily she gets cold. 

“Hello, citizen!”

The voice is overly loud and he's clearly leaning into his superhero persona. For little kids, it's probably delightful. For her, it just feels patronizing.

She looks up and stands, pushing the hood off. Valerie watches as panic shoots across his face and his smile hardens.

Valerie’s never subscribed to the Fentons’ belief that ghosts don't have emotions or pain. Revenge isn't as sweet when they can't understand it.

“And who have we got here?” Phantom asks, but the cheer in his voice is strained. Valerie doesn't miss the way he glances at her hands and her hips. That confirms a theory she's held for a while.

“You know who I am, Phantom. We've met before.”

“Well, uh, y’know, lots of people, I meet. I mean, uh, I meet lots of people, so I -”

His rambling is cut off when she draws an ecto-gun and points it at his face. “You know who I am,” she reiterates. 

Phantom holds his hands up and then puts them behind his head. Valerie assumes it's meant to calm her, make him seem unarmed. “The Red Huntress,” he says, dropping the false cheer from his tone. “Valerie Gray.”

“How long have you known who I am?” she demands.

“Since the first time we met,” he answers.

Valerie growls in irritation. “Then why not kill me?”

“I never wanted to hurt you, Red. And I'm not the one who lied to a national charity to try to hurt someone. I can't believe you would abuse the Make A Wish foundation like this.”

The laugh that comes out of Valerie is the most bitter sound she thinks she's ever made. “It's nearly impossible to lie to the foundation, Phantom. Too many medical records and check ups for them to review.”

“Wait, so you're actually -?” 

“Dying? Yep. Have been for a few years.”

Phantom's face falls into a caricature of grief. “You never told me,” he mumbles.

“Why would I? I was getting treatment, I was fine, I still had years left on my life expectancy, until you and your stupid dog showed up!” 

“What?” Phantom goes paler than Valerie's ever seen from him before.

“There was a treatment, but it's experimental. Insurance doesn't cover it, and we couldn't afford it after my dad lost his job,” Valerie admits.

Phantom doesn't even seem to notice the gun she's holding in front of his face anymore. “If you got back on the treatment, could it help? Would you be okay?”

“There's still no cure for it, Phantom. I'll never be okay. But, yes, in theory, I'd have a couple more years back than the couple of months I'm looking at now.”

“I have an idea to get you back on the treatment. I have powerful and rich friends. Let me help you.”

Valerie falters. She’d had half a mind to kill him, here and now, so he couldn't hurt anyone else ever again. But if he can get her back on her treatment? 

“Why should I trust you?” she asks, though the shake of her voice is more audible than she'd like. “You ruined my life already.”

“It was an accident, Val, I swear. Cujo wasn't my dog, he was one of Axiom's who got put to sleep when they had no more need of him. He's just a puppy who wanted his favorite toy back.”

That takes out what little wind was left in Valerie's sails. “I thought Axiom put their dogs up for adoption,” is all she can think to say. “That's what my dad told me.”

Phantom shakes his head. “We - uh, I found the euthanasia records, including Cujo’s. What happened to you was an accident, Red. I'm so sorry.”

Valerie's arm drops, but her grip on the ecto-gun tightens. “I want to shoot something.”

She doesn't have the energy to process this. To come to terms with the fact her life was ruined because some asshole decided to put innocent, healthy dogs to sleep. She wants a fight. It's easier than her thoughts.

“Ah, probably not gonna be any ghosts around today,” Phantom says awkwardly.

“What? Why?”

“I let them know when I'm meeting a Make A Wish kid. They leave me alone those days.”

“Why would ghosts do that? What do they care?”

“We're ghosts. We know what dying is like. We know how much it is when it's a child.”

Valerie doesn't respond, she fidgets with her gun instead. She really doesn't want to think, but all she knows anymore is thinking or fighting.

Phantom sighs. “The things I do for love,” he mutters, so low Valerie is sure she wasn't meant to hear him. He continues before she can question it. “Suit up. Let's spar.”

~

They get a call the next day from the treatment center. An anonymous donor, covering the costs of all kids for the next five years, with strict instructions to call anyone who'd dropped from the program due to funds.

Valerie smiles as she schedules her appointment for the following morning.

For the first time in a long time, she lets herself believe maybe, just maybe, things are looking up for her.

Danny learns that the Make A Wish kid he was asked to visit was a dying Valerie, who wanted to see him so she can demand closure as to why he and his ghost dog ruined her life.

[whyispotatoheadalreadytaken]

There is so much I could say about The Last of Us, but I spare you my nerdy rant about each episode and just stay really specific.

This last week's episode was my favorite and favorite story I've seen so far in the games. I finished The Last of Us part one when I said I probably would, but then I quickly discovered more to that story. I saw a tweet about upcoming episodes and realized that there would be an episode covering separate DLC for the game called Left Behind. I started scrambling to find a way to play it. Eventually, I was able to borrow my brother's PS4, and he told me to keep it for as long as I wanted to play games I had never had the chance to play.

I squeezed Left Behind into my crazy week last week. There wasn't a single night when I went to bed before midnight. School, house chores, prepping for Hawaii. It was miserable. The Last of Us has gotten me through each week, primarily through the winter months. I wasn't about to miss out on this episode if I could help it. I'd rather be sleep deprived and miserable than have to wait to play it or watch the show until after Hawaii.

I remember watching the trailer and game play for The Last of Us Part two and getting really emotional because it revealed that Ellie is gay. Here was this epic franchise revealing that the most important character is gay. That kind of move from such a successful franchise had never existed before. I couldn't believe it. If ever there was a time I had wanted to play the games, it was that time in 2018. Still, the games only existed for Playstation and I had no way to do play them back then.

I was unsure if they would address Ellie's sexuality in the Left Behind story, though it seemed promising. Ellie just going on an adventure with her Best Gal pal?

Right.

Playing through a story of a fourteen-year-old girl going on this adventure brought to her by her best friend was a bit emotional as I could pick up on all the subtleties along the way. This gameplay was more focused on engaging in the narrative rather than fighting for your life. It alternates between her adventure with Riley and her present story of trying to keep Joel safe and alive after a terrible accident that transpires. There was little background in the game for how they got through this, so they filled in the gaps. That's where they let players fight for their lives. If you play the game or watch the show, you already know what happens on this adventure with Riley. To an extent. I couldn't unknow what I knew, which took a toll on me the more I engaged in the mini-adventures. The more background and context I gained, the harder it got. Some snaps exist of me trying not to cry while watching them interact. I knew this was a date. They were both just too afraid to address it. When watching the show, I cry laughed at all of the subtleties that Bella Ramsey, who plays Ellie, just nailed along the way. The fact that she could nail it so well makes me have questions for Bella. Maybe she's really just a wonderful actress. There were two moments stood out to me in the show that were perfect. The Adventure is that Riley takes Ellie to an old abandoned mall to show her 5 wonders of the mall. One of the wonders is a carousel. Ellie and Riley ride it together, and, in the show, they show Ellie just looking at Riley, almost in awe of her. And Bella's look on her face just destroyed me because I know that face. She was taking it all in and burning that memory into her brain. That's the moment I see this is more than a crush for little 14-year-old Ellie. She loves Riley.

The next moment that stands out to me is after Riley plays Mortal Combat with Ellie in the arcade. Once Ellie beats her, they turn into each other laughing and beaming, and I'm like, JUST FUCKING KISS ALREADY PLEEASSSSEEE but of course, Riley has more to show Ellie and has them move on to the next thing. The moment when Riley walks past Ellie, and Ellie doesn't move. It is chefs kiss, such a good moment. Ellie doesn't move from that spot. She just stands there, heart in her throat, completely head over heels and a little disappointed. Not disappointed with Riley for moving on to the next thing, but in herself for not just kissing her. Disappointed in herself for being scared. It made me laugh cry. I'm laughing because I get it, but now I'm crying because I get it. They absolutely nailed it.

Then there is the final moment of Ellie asking Rikey not to leave:

Don't go.

And Riley says okay. Then Ellie finds the courage and finally kisses Riley.

"I'm sorry." Ellie says almost panicked just in case it was a mistake.

Riley smiles and says, "For what?"

The smile that hijacks Ellie's face 😭😭😭

I sobbed in the game.

To my surprise, I laugh cried while watching the show because it is such an emotional moment but they made Ellie more awkward in the show so after that interaction, Ellie just laughs, makes a goofy face, drops her bag, looks around, down at her feet, and says, "What do we do now?"

And then Riley over here be making me sob because she says, "We'll figure it out."

It was such a beautiful episode and they did such a good job. I'd never felt more seen and represented in the television world. So, if I wasn't obsessed before, I am now.

Love me some gal pals.

[kidnappedbycartoons]

Azula deserved better.

You expect me to believe that Iroh, who is a literal war criminal and didn't realize the error of the Fire Nation until the war killed his son, can change, but fourteen-year-old Azula can't? She was failed by the adults around her. She didn't have an Iroh or Usra to guide her. No, she had Ozai. And look at Ozai!

I mean, look at her relationship with Usra. I didn't read the comics yet, but in the show, it's clear that there is some tension between the two. Anytime we saw Usra and Azula interact in the show, it was always Usra telling Azula not to do something or wondering what's wrong with her. And in the beach episode, Azula says that she can talk about how her mother loved Zuko more than her and thought she was a monster. You expect me to believe that Azula wasn't jealous of the attention and love Zuko got from Usra?

Also, I don't think Usra told Azula that she was a monster, but you know who I think put that in Azula's head? Ozai. She wasn't getting that much love and attention from Usra, so she sought it out in her other parent. She wanted his attention and the best way to get that was to show off the traits that Ozai favors. He's someone who leads with fear, he lacks empathy, he is ruthless, and so Azula became like that to stay in his good graces. Ozai probably told her that her mother thought she was a monster.

Also, Azula is clearly capable of care and is also lonely. We see this during the beach episode. Yeah, she is manipulative and toxic towards Ty Lee and Mai, but does no one notice that when Ty Lee is upset, Azula feels bad for her. We see this when Azula almost makes Ty Lee cry at the party and she quickly apologizes. And we see it again when they're at the beach and Ty Lee is talking about her home life and why she joined the circus. When she's not looking, Azula is looking at her with a face of concern but when Ty Lee looks back at her, Azula fixes her face so that there's no hint of emotion on her face. She does care for her friends, but she doesn't know how to because the only example she has to go off of is Ozai.

And during the beach episode, we see that she feels jealous because while Ty Lee can get all the boys to come to her yard, Azula cannot and finds it hard to talk to them. After taking Ty Lee's advice and managing to kiss a boy, she is talking about world domination and being the most powerful couple in the world, which scares him off. She doesn't know how to interact with someone if it doesn't have to do with the war and winning. And who is also obsessed with all of this? Ozai.

She also cares for Zuko. Now, is there a clear power imbalance between the two and has Azula been toxic towards him? Yes. But she does care a bit. When she lied and told Ozai that Zuko killed the avatar, she didn't even know that there was a possibility that Aang lived. She didn't find out UNTIL Zuko gave her that obvious lie. Up till that point, she was just helping him out with his standing in the Fire Nation. But when she found out that there was a possibility, it worked in her favor. And during the beach episode, she seeks Zuko out herself. She doesn't tease him that much, no. She comes to get him and bring him back to the group. And if she wanted to be the Fire Lord so bad, why would she bring him back? She didn't bring him back as a traitor like she was going to in the start of book two. No, she brought him back and helped to restore his honor. How would that help her? It doesn't.

All I'm saying is, if Iroh can change, why can't Azula change? If Zuko can change, why can't she? She didn't have an Iroh or Usra like Zuko did. She had Ozai. And look at how Ozai is. Iroh calling her crazy and saying she needs to be put down leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Azula deserved better. She could've had a redemption arc.

[1-800-hellraiser]

EWTBATF Vlahd x Teen!reader Oneshot

(!NOTE: THIS IS NOT A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE READER AND VLAHD, THIS IS A FATHER DAUGHTER TYPE RELATIONSHIP!

Hello! I made this oneshot for people with daddy issues who used to simp for Vlahd but now want him to be your dad. The reader uses they/them pronouns because I want everyone to be able to feel included while reading this.

Vlahd and Eddsworld The Beginning and The Friend doesn't belong to me! It's a fancomic made by Makenzie Matthews, Jaculynn Kristiansen, Alyssa Grissom and Brittany Clark. Eddsworld belongs to Edd Gould. If I use any art in this oneshot I will credit the artist and give their socials.

P.s: If this is well received, I might make a story about this, so stay tuned~

P.p.s: I know this isn't Creepypasta content, but I felt like doing something a bit different.)

!DISCLAIMER! This oneshot deals with a lot of gore, mental, emotional, and physical abuse, fighting, missing body parts, and swearing! If you are sensitive to these topics, I advise you don't read this oneshot! Also, some spoilers for the fancomic EWTBOTF, so if you haven't read it or haven't been reading it for the past few months, I urge you to do so. Not just for this oneshot, but the comic is also pretty good!

Tessellate

Word count: 3,569

Song: Tessellate - Alt J

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Three guns, and one goes off. Ones empty, ones not quick enough. One burn, one red, one grin. Search the graves while the camera spins."

The same thing happened every single day. You would wake up to screaming, try to shower and do your morning routine without being interrupted, spend the rest of the day your home trying not to get involved with your parent's marital issues, go to school, do chores, get screamed at for not doing something right, eat dinner, do homework, cry, then go to bed. This was your life since you were ten years old. Your biological father died when you were nine, then your mother got remarried a few months after your tenth birthday.

Your parents were very emotionally and mentally abusive. Sometimes they hit you, but would feign sorrow to try to make you feel safe around them. They continued this behavior for years, until you were thirteen. Apparently, your stepfather had gotten into some shady business with the infamous Red Leader. You had to move from your home country to England so your stepfather could work with the Red Leader. You were miserable, you had lost all of your friends you had in school. You had to go to a private boarding school, you never got picked on, but you found it hard to make friends. After a few moths, you finally got comfortable with your new surroundings.

One day though, that all changed for the worse. Your mom and stepfather got into a huge argument, apparently your mom was cheating on a man in the same army as your stepfather. He hit your mom, your mom left right after that. He then hit you really hard in the face, so hard that it left a mark. You burst into tears and ran to your room. You emptied out your book bag, and threw some clothes, hygienic products, your phone and charger, etc, into it. You quietly walked out of your room and out the front door while your dad wasn't looking. You walked down the streets of your neighborhood and out into the little town a few blocks away.

Popping your earbuds in, you listen to some music to try and calm yourself down. You walk around town for a about an hour before you passed a creepy alleyway. Unbeknownst to you, a man stepped out of that alleyway. He lightly tapped you on the shoulder. You stop dead in your tracks. You shakily turn around and take out your earbud to confront the man. A man with shaggy brown hair, an eyepatch, big eyebrows, and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth stood before you. Its Paul, your stepfather's mate!

Paul asked why you weren't at your house and offered to take you back. You explained what happened and Paul was shocked and disgusted with your stepfather's behavior. He took you back to the Red Army base and let you stay there. You agree and he takes you to the base. As soon as you get there, Paul took you to talk with Red Leader himself. Scared, you explain to the Red Leader what happened with your mom and stepdad. Red Leader let you stay on base on one condition. You have to serve in the Red Army when you turn sixteen. You agreed because you had nowhere else to go.

It's been five months since your sixteenth birthday. You have been integrated into the Red Army, and you have made a bunch of freinds on the base. It's not so bad working for the Red Army. You even have a father figure now. Even though you'd never tell him you consider him a father figure, in fear of him not being ready to be a dad and pushing you away. Sargent Major Vlahd has been training you since you were fourteen. You started out being very skittish towards him. You didn't know what he would do to you. Eventually, you two have grown closer and closer together.

Vlahd has been teaching you Russian, and you have been working your ass off during training with him. He has taken you under his wing and now you live with him in an apartment Red Leader has for him. All of Red's most important people have their own apartment-type rooms. Vlahd's is built with a living room, two bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen, and an entire ass library. Your room is right across from Vlahds. You have to do chores in your and Vlahd's apartment as well, but it's a small price to pay for a roof over your head and a non-toxic father figure.

"Y/n, ужины готовы (Y/n, dinner's ready)." Vlahd calls from the kitchen, you get up from your desk and decide to finish your studies later. You walk into the kitchen and see a big pot on the stove, whenever that big pot comes out, you know he's making borscht. You celebrate in silence and take a bowl from the cupboard. You spoon some borscht into your bowl, then you proceed to the dinning room table to sit with Vlahd. A little tradition you both started to do to make tou more comfortable around him. "So, how was your day?" You ask, to get a conversation going. "Все было хорошо, а как насчет твоего (It was okay, what about yours?)?" "Mine was pretty good." You say, spooning some borscht into your mouth.

"О, между прочим, Красный Лидер хочет, чтобы я нашел солдата, который недавно ушел из МВД. Так что завтра тебе не нужно тр��нироваться или учиться, у тебя выходной (Oh, by the way, Red Leader wants me to go find a soldier who has gone MIA recently. So you don't have to do any training or studies tomorrow, you have the day off.)." Vlahd finishes. You nod your head in understanding. "Who do you have to find?" It was often that soldiers went MIA to try and get out of the army and Red Leader's deal. Red is a ruthless man. "Мэтт, я думаю, его зовут (Matt, I think his name is)."

A small 'ohhhhh' left your mouth. Vlahd has had problems with this soldier before. He was not following orders, so Vlahd was ordered to contain him with any force necessary. That didn't go so well. Apparently, another person with Matt turned into a fucking horned beast and sent Vlahd to the medical wing for two weeks. He had broken two of Vlahds ribs and broke his leg. Finishing up your borscht, you bid Vlahd a goodnight, put your bowl and spoon in the sink, and return back to your room to finish your studies before you go to bed.

You awake to your alarm beeping at you. Sighing, you begrudgingly get up and put on your uniform and proceed to role call . After that, you take off your uniform and pick out your clothes for the day. If you're off duty, you don't have to wear your uniform. You pull out a f/c sweater and a pair of black jeans. You get dressed and go to the bathroom, Vlahd has already left, so you have the bathroom all to yourself. You take a shower and proceed with your morning routine. After you're done, you decide to make yourself some toast and have a nice cup of coffee. After you finish your breakfast, you clean up the kitchen and bathroom out of boredom. You pull out your phone and check the time. The digital screen reads 10:36 am, you groan out of boredom. Then, a wonderful idea popped into your head, you decided to take a walk off base.

You made sure to write a note for Vlahd and stuck it on the fridge if he returns before you're back. You also ask Red Leader if it's okay. He said that it was, so you go ahead and take a secret trail off base and into a huge, lush forrest. You stick in some earbuds and continue to walk into the forrest. From this trail, there is a small town on the other side. Usually when the base runs low on food, plates, utensils, etc, there is a store where you can buy things in bulk for cheap. You also know of a small café where you like to get drinks, they have really good tea and coffee. You arrive at Le Café de Campagne and enter. You order your favorite drink off the menu. You pay and sit down at the cute tables. The café was heavily inspired by France, with relatively French architecture and design.

Cute glass tables and tall chairs are scattered around the small café, a gorgeous mural is painted on the back wall near the counter and cash register. The mural depicts a beautiful countryside with a small cottage to the left behind a field of yellow and pink flowers. In the background, snowy-topped mountains and another cottage sit beautifully. The baby blue sky and fluffy clouds pull the entire piece together. Cute black vases hold pink and yellow tulips along with napkins, salt, and pepper. A display counter with delectable sweets ranging from Macaroons to Tarte Tatin sit in the window, ready to be eaten. On top of the display counter sits a miniature Eiffel Tower, and a bunch of other mini versions of popular tourist attractions such as the Louvre and the Notre Dame cathedral. The people who work there are pretty cool as well. You know most if the people that work there, such as Andrea. She's been working at the café since it opened three years ago. She's easily one of the sweetest people you've ever met.

"Y/n, you're order is ready!" Andrea's sweet voice calls to you. "Thank you so much, have a good day Andrea!" "You too Y/n!" She calls as you walk out the door. You continue to stroll through the tiny town, looking into windows of small shops. You stop in front of a small thrift store, you decide to look around. You start in the CD and DVD section. You found a CD of your favorite band, and a Smash Mouth CD, both for lest than a euro. Obviously, you decide to buy them. You go looking around in the long sleeve shirt section. You pulled out a cute blue-grey sweater that says "Big Dick Energy" on it in bold letters, as if it were school apparel. You look at the tag, it's your size and only five euros. You take that with you as well. Moving across to the pants section, you find a cute pair of high waisted black ripped jeans. They're your size and only seven euros, so you take it. You bring your items up to the cashier, you pay, then you leave.

You decide to walk more into the forest. You take a short cut through an alleyway between the thrift store and a small bank. You push past a few stray branches and step over some shrubbery. You walk along a naturally formed pathway, admiring the beauty of the nature around you. You keep walking until you feel a droplet of rain fall on your forehead, then a couple more. You take cover underneath a tree as rain pours from the sky. You slide your small f/c backpack off of your shoulders and pull out a travel sized sketchbook and a pencil case full of pencils and pens. You take out a graphite pencil and begin to sketch out some scenery infront of you. Rows upon rows of tall oak trees sit infront of you, along with a line of small bushes keeping the trees from growing onto that pathway. The dirt pathway is damp with rain water, some weeds and flowers have managed to grow through the pathway.

After you're done, you marvel at your sketch, you're definitely putting this on your wall later. You pack up your sketchbook and utensils. You also manage to fit your new thrifted items into your bag as well. You pick up the cup that houses the few drops left of your drink from the café. You quickly make it back to town and find a garbage can to throw the cup away. The rain is still coming down hard, and it's getting dark out. You pull out your phone and check the time. Your digital screen reads 16:57 (4:57 pm). You slip your phone back into the pocket of your jeans and hurriedly walk back to base. Almost slipping in mud a few times, you make it back to base. Once you enter your and Vlahd's apartment, You speed walk to your room and peel off your soaking wet clothes. You enter the bathroom and toss your clothes into the washer to clean them.

Slipping on the clothes you bought, you put away your CDs, wallet, sketchbook, and pencil case. You flop on your bed, now bored. You decide to re-read your favorite book, you haven't read it in a while. In the middle of you reading your book, you got a text from Vlahd. 'Подойдите к входу в большую базу, это срочно (Come to the big entrance, it's urgent.' The text reads, you respond with an 'okay'. You throw another pair of shows on that aren't soaking wet and speed walk to the big entrance in the base. That entrance is usually used for big shipments of cargo, you wonder what could have happened. Anxiety begins to catch up with you and so many negative thoughts run wild in your head. Your speed walking turns into a jog, which turns into a run, which turns into a sprint. You're dodging soldiers as you sprint down to the big entrance.

"Sargent Major Vlahd!" One of the nurses says in shock. You turn the corner just in time to see Vlahd, kneeled over. Your eyes begin to well up with tears. He's covered in blood, parts of his uniform are gone and replaced with huge gashes, his left arm is completely gone. He looks up at you, he sees you almost in tears, he tries to stand back up, but one of the nurses grabs his arm. "Take him to the infirmary, stat!" She says, trying to hustle him past the crowd that formed behind the nurses. Everyone is talking around you, can't hear anything though because of how shocked and overwhelmed you are. Vlahd tries to say something to you, but he's in so much pain that he cant speak. You have people step aside so the nurses can get through to make it to the infirmary in time.

You follow them to the medical wing, you try to follow them into the infirmary, but they won't let you. That's kind of understandable though, considering he needs emergency surgery to fix his arm, or what he has left of his arm. You see him through the infirmary window. Making eye contact with you, he gives you a weak smile before passing out from blood loss. You decide it's best to go back to your apartment, and wait it out. One of the nurses gave you her number to get updates on how Vlahd is doing. She knows how close you are with him, she could tell by the look in your eyes that you were devastated when he came back. You enter the apartment and go straight to your room.

You can't help but cry. You lost one of your father figures and you sure as hell aren't going to lose another one. In the middle of you sobbing, you get a text from the nurse, saying that Vlahds surgery was successful. He's going to have to stay in the infirmary for two to three weeks, but he's going to recover. You start sobbing harder out of pure joy. You hadn't even realized that you've been sobbing for almost two hours straight. The clock on your phone reads '20:37' (8:37 pm). You quickly go out to the kitchen and heat up some leftover borscht from last night. After you finish dinner, you go to bed. All of that crying made you exhausted.

Waking up was a but hard today, but you knew if you didn't show up for role call, Red Leader would be upset. Nobody want's to upset Red, he's terrifying when he's angry. So, you begrudgingly get up and grab an extra uniform you have. Walking into the bathroom, you remember about your clothes from last night. You take them and shove them in the dryer. You do your morning routine and then throw on your uniform half hazardly in a rush to get to role call. Making it to the role call room a bit early, you check your schedule for today. You have patrol with Paul today and that's it. Patrol is just you and Paul standing outside if the bases main entrance to make sure no one comes that isn't expected. Usually these are six hour shifts, but you only have to do four today. Thankfully its only a four hour shift today, you don't think you're mentally well enough to stay for six.

After role call, you met Paul by the main entrance of the base. You two greeted each other, then stayed silent. Until Paul spoke up, "I'm so sorry kiddo. I know this can be very stressful, especially when someone you're close to gets severely injured. It's really not fair what happened to him. Hopefully, he'll recover soon and things will go back to some sort of normality." You pull Paul into a tight hug. A few tears slip out of your tired eyes.You haven't had the time to really process this information. Now that you are on patrol, you can kinda marinate in your thoughts. You pull away from Paul's embrace, "Thank you Paul, I really needed that." You sigh, wiping away the tears that stuck to your flushed cheeks.

After Patrol, you go back to your apartment and change. You change into the Maroon sweater and jeans that are in the dryer. Before you head to the infirmary, you text the nurse to see if Vlahd is awake. Vlahd is a stong man, so the nurses and doctors had to use a lot of anesthesia to keep him unconscious during surgery. The nurse said he was awake, just a bit groggy. You thank the nurse and haul ass to the infirmary. You arrive at medical wing. The medical wing is confusing as hell to navigate. Its three floors, one is where the receptionist desk is, the waiting room, and all the machines like the x-rays, the cat scans, etc. The second one is used for less severe injuries, the third one is used for intensive care. Vlahd is on floor three, room number 108.

"Hello honey, what brings you to the medical wing today?" The receptionist asks in a heavy Jersey accent. "Hello, I'm here to visit Sargent Major Vlahd." The receptionist nods and types something on her keyboard. "Oh! You're Y/n, correct?" You nod. "Okay, sign this out for me please and write your name on this." She hands you a clipboard with a piece of paper you had to fill out in order to visit someone in intensive care. She also hands you a visitor pass that you stick on your shirt. Kind of like a name tag. You fill out the paperwork and pads, then you put the visitors pass on your sweater. You give the paperwork back to the nurse. "Alright sweetie, you know where Vlahd's room is right?" You nod. "Okay, have a good one!" "You too miss." You respond to the receptionist.

You impatiently ride the elevator up to floor three. As soon as the elevator opens, you speed walk to Vlahds room. Knocking on the door, you wait for permission to enter the room. "You can come in hon." The nurse says from the other side of the door. Proceeding to enter the room, all your attention goes to Vlahd. He looks miserable. "I'll leave you twonalone for a while, just hit the bed alarm if you need me." The nurse says then leaves the room. As soon as the nurse leaves the room. You sit down next to him, and try to hold in your tears. You dont want to overwhelm him more than he probably already is. Vlahd tries to sit up, but you try to make him lay down again, he can't be straining this much. Although, considering Vlahd is a powerhouse of strength, you didn't get very far.

Instead, you gave up on fighting against him. Surprisingly, Vlahd pulls you into a tight hug. "Все в порядке, дорогая, все будет в порядке (It's okay honey, it'll all be okay.)." You broke down once again, sobbing into Vlahd's shoulder. You unknowingly grabbed fistfuls of his gown. "P-please don't ever leave me, I can't handle this, please d-don't ever leave me dad-" you cut yourself off has soon as 'dad' left your mouth. "I'm so sorry Vlahd, I-I didn't mean to- " "Y/n." Vlahd silences you. "Все в порядке. Я горжусь тем, что являюсь твоим отцом. Ты чертовски ребенок (It's okay. I'm proud to be your father figure. You're one hell of a kid.)." Vlahd states, you hug him once again.

"Thanks, dad."

[dannydoesnotexist]

Once again, THANK YOU OP, LIKE- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

I for the first FOURTEEN YEARS OF MY LIFE (my mom) I emotionally abused and manipulated and gaslit, as well as threatened to be sent to a mental hospital (after being told that they were horrible and then later being gaslit into thinking that never happened and that they're fine) for expressing my want to go and seek help, I also had a horrible one-sided codependent relationship with my mother where I couldn't spend a whole *night* [sleep over] without her and without thinking I betrayed her somehow, she was controlling and I was *terrified* to ask anything of her because I didn't want her to yell at me and make me feel like I did something wrong by just asking a question.

I constantly felt the need to lie to her and I just *couldn't* be honest with her because I didn't want to risk pissing her off (later in life I would learn to track whatever mood she was in), I was constantly fucking stressed, high-strung, I had horrible anxiety and my grades were just dropping lower as time went on, I had so much missing homework and shit like that just because I was either too tired or just too burnt out by being the 'gifted kid' in my early life.

I was yelled at and laughed at for crying, told to be quiet when I laughed, and I got punished when i was angry, I was so stressed when I had to watch my sister at nine years old that I would *break down in tears* when she left us at the babysitter's because they didn't watch my sister and I had too and my sister was constantly crying because she was a toddler and wanted her mom. I cried on the way to the babysitter's because I didn't want her to leave since it took the whole day for her to get back. And so I grew up being taught that crying was weak and that showing pretty much any emotion was wrong and so my go-to emotion was anger.

Yelling was the only way I wouldn't be talked over and also the fact that I was constantly at my fucking limit (since I wasn't even in the double digits and I was worrying about paying bills and helping to make money) I was constantly in a bad mood and my mom would just be fucking condescending as shit which made me even more pissy, and as I got older and the abuse just went on the anger just burnt out and I was just fucking *tired* and *scared* of her I had anxiety attacks because of her and when that happened I would wake up and go to school early before she woke up because the next two days I *still* felt the panic in my chest. And then it got to the point where I was just tired of her shit, I ignored her when she tried to start fights with me and just began to isolate myself from her.

But I *understand* she has shit wrong with her (mentally, I fucking know she has trauma and mental issues because I fucking grew up having to deal with them first-hand) and I still care about her (I don't think I could ever stop) but that doesn't make the shit she did to me okay, and the fact that for years I must've deserved it I must've done something wrong because why would my mom, the person who's supposed to love me unconditionally, hurt me for no reason? It's fucking bullshit that people actually blame the victim JUST BECAUSE of their personality, like- you fucking idiots, people's personalities can be changed BECAUSE OF TRAUMA, I wasn't always the fucking blunt, sarcastic 'asshole' that I am today, but after years of being fucking chastised and made fun of for doing things I enjoy and expressing my emotions of course I'm going to be fucking weirded out when people can express emotions I'm a healthy way, or when I'm in a healthy environment or have to comfort some, BECAUSE I NEVER *GOT* THAT, SO HOW THE FUCK WOULD I BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND IT? it doesn't fucking matter how old I was. If you never grew up using the internet, how the fuck would you know what to do once you do use it, especially with nobody around to help you or if you're just to embarrassed to ask for help, that's how it fucking feels.

It's not my fault I was never taught how to show emotions in a healthy way, nor have I ever been apologized to for people hurting me, but it IS my fault if I hurt someone else, which I thankfully have a lot of self control and normally end up only hurting myself but not everyone is like that, for some people anger can be used as a weapon or a shield so that they can't be hurt at all or again by someone.

But pretty much what I'm trying to get at is that I relate to this man so fucking much that it's probably concerning, I *understand* what fucking *years* of stress and worry can do to someone and their mental health, especially with the fact that he also probably grew up being told showing emotion was weak, *and* he also has to provide for another person (mentioned in canon how he makes sure that the consequences of Ed's actions don't bite him in the ass) of course not as stressful as taking care of a child while you yourself are also one, but it's still fucking stressful. And that same person you're taking care of doesn't listen to you and you do everything in your power to make them listen without wanting to physically hurt them and they just DON'T LISTEN, of course you're gonna be fucking pissed especially if the person is YOUR BOSS, not your sibling, cousin, child, friend (even if they may have been friends in the past it seems to be more of a workplace friendship now that they're older), or lover, but YOUR *BOSS* who you *love* who is ignoring you; who has known him for at least a *decade*, over someone who he's known for less than a week, yeah you're gonna be fucking pissed off and jealous.

And also with the fact that the crew doesn't seem to have any experience working on a ship, something you have been doing for most of your life, along with the fact that *your* crew died to save these people your captain said that you would kill (at least their own captain), yeah you won't give a shit about them so it'll be easier to do the job and also just the fact that they suck at their jobs and so you don't like them by principle, but you also don't wanna fucking die and *nothing* is going the way you want and it feels like the world is ending because you seem to be the only person who actually wants to do your job, yeah all that pent up anger is gonna explode in everyone's face.

And so yeah, he stabs the guy his boss told him they were gonna kill, WHICH WAS THE ONLY REASON HE STAYED ON THE SHIP, and then he's kicked off the ship, and yes, the show isn't historically accurate and these guys try to be kinda like the present where abuse isn't good but *Izzy* is still in the unhealthy, toxic-masculinity pirate mindset and so, what happens when your boss whom you have worked for for years, lets people you cared about (crew) die to save some random 'pirates' who are shit at their job and whose captain *chose* piracy instead of not having a choice, the same people who don't respect your authority that you have worked hard to achieve, then your boss doesn't listen to you when you try to talk to him about the shit conditions of the ship, then your coworkers seem to 'turn' on you because they choose to stop doing their jobs, then your boss doesn't let you kill the man he said you two would kill and then lets you get kicked off the ship? You get desperate, especially because of the codependent relationship you have with your boss where you are *nothing* without him, and so you try to get him back to his job by showing him that this 'whim' has gotten out of hand, but *then* he decides to once again choose a man he has only known for at at least a few months over *you* someone who has been by his side for his worst and best days, someone who knows him better than himself, someone who is so used to being depended (just like you depending on him) on by him that you don't know what to do when he suddenly pulls away.

So yeah he's an asshole and I love him because of it, but he's also a victim and you people need to pull your heads out of your asses and stop villainizing him. And no, I'm not saying Ed is a mOnStEr, I'm saying that they both have had fucked up lives and because of that fucked up mental states, but what I am saying is that Izzy has NEVER laid a (harmful) hand on Edward (not that canon has implied anyways), while Edward has mutilated him, forced him to fucking cannibalize himself, shot him in the knee, causing it to be cut off, tried to do a double suicide (implied by the gun having two bullets) with him by making him kill both of them, led him to trying to kill himself, then gave him a half-assed apology ("sorry about the leg"), I don't know man but that sounds pretty fuck up to me.

Yes, Izzy yelled at him (people say shit when they're mad that they probably wouldn't if they weren't, in s1 Ed was *literally* the only one Izzy apologized to, which shows that he at least cares about what he says to Edward and at least cares somewhat about the affect it has on him) and sold Stede out to the English and got easily pissed off at the crew but how the FUCK does that lead to him deserving to be LITERALLY *TORTURED*

Sorry if this rant is just me repeating myself, or is just all over the place, or just sounds biased I just have a lot of pent up anger about this 😭😭😭🖐🏻

cannot believe that 'yelling at your boss when he repeatedly almost gets you and your crew killed and lies to manipulate you into staying when you try to leave, is not emotional abuse, actually' and 'there is such a thing as a mutually toxic and unhealthy relationship where both parties are incredibly shitty to each other - and this is obviously where Ed and Izzy stand until S2, when it becomes blatantly abusive' is a controversial take. But as this is Abuse Apologism And Ableism, The FandomTM, I really should not be surprised

Just.

I was deep in physically and mentally abusive relationships in my teens/twenties - including relationships that started out with mutual toxicity and bad decisions on all sides, but which became outright physical & mental & other sorts of abuse with myself as the victim. I know my shit.

I suppose I can see where 'Izzy emotionally abused Ed' comes from IF people give literally the most uncharitable interpretation to Every Single Scene, and assume Izzy shouts angrily at Ed and negs him all the time rather than this being how he acts when he's incredibly stressed by circumstance caused directly by Ed and at the end of his fucking rope? Which, as we see in S2... Is not the case.

It's not freaking emotional abuse when you're shouting at your boss who keeps almost getting you and your crew killed. Even if this is NOT a kind or productive way to help Ed deal with his mental health, considering that Ed's actions have consequences that he repeatedly and blithely ignores, it's pretty fucking justified!

It's not freaking emotional abuse if your boss OPENLY LOVES MAIMING PEOPLE AND IS MORE THAN HAPPY TO BURN THEM ALIVE and you encourage that, while upholding his right to not kill with his own hands. Even if he has private breakdowns after the fact because he suffers from black-and-white thinking, dissociates himself from any wrongdoing, and is afraid of his potential to become 'a monster'.

Are these choices helpful? No. Are they kind? No. Is Izzy demonstrating Model Citizen Behaviour? Definitely not.

But it's sure as hell not emotional abuse. And it doesn't justify the physical and emotional abuse Ed puts Izzy through in S2.

Nothing you say can 'make' him hit you. If he chooses to hit you (or... choke you out then repeatedly mutilate you and pressure you to commit suicide and makes you constantly live in fear for your life and the lives of people you care about) he makes that decision himself. Yes, even if you shouted at him first. Yes, even if you were arguing. Yes, even if you were in the wrong in that argument. Yes, even if he has a Tragic BackstoryTM and mental health issues. This shit shouldn't be controversial.

Signed: one of those actual abuse survivors.

[honeyxmonkey]

The Star Wars Au

Taking place during the Clone Wars, we have Eugene Fitzherbert, a powerful and tactiaclly brilliant young Jedi Knight having just completed the Padawan trials five years prior to the start of the au. Master Yoda and the rest of the council decides that he's ready to take on a padawan. Enter Varian, a fourteen year old youngling, just promoted to padawan. He's assigned to Eugene and the two are wary of eachother at first. Eugene knows he's a troubled youth and wasn't raised in the temple like the others. He had a family, a mother and a father who loved him. When his mother died, it was discovered that Varian was force sensitive. His father let the jedi take him to be trained. Varian was twelve.

(Yes I'm fully aware that most younglings are taken at seven or younger but I don't care, leave me alone)

Because he only spent two years training in the temple and then was immediately thrust into the life of a padawan, he has alot of issues. There's no doubt that he's powerful in the force but he doesn't much like the teachings the Jedi enforce on them. He wants to live, be his own person but he's afraid of disappointing his father, so he stays. He stays and tries to be a good padawan for Eugene.

Eugene, at first, isn't quite sure he's meant to teach this kid. He's impulsive, prone to anxiety, and often has outbursts of anger. All of which greatly concern the council but after awhile, Eugene decides to try his hardest to be not only the kids master, but his brother. They become a small family.

And thats all Varian needed. A friend. Somebody he could talk to, a shoulder to cry on, a brother.

Eugene, of course, starts to listen to Varian when he tells him how he feels about the Jedi's ideals and teachings. How he thinks its wrong to deny them a right to basic human emotions and needs. Eugene understands. He had someone he cared alot about. Someone he almost left the Order for, she convinced him otherwise. Told him that that's where he belonged. He regretted it every day of his life.

The two have a bond unlike any other.

When they have to start fighting in the war, Eugene and Varian will sometimes team up with Anakin and Ashoka. When this happens you get two tired dads trying to keep their feral children in check.

The Jedi Council do not approve of the influence Eugene and Varian have on eachother. They can't see that they're good for eachother, physically and mentally, so they try to take Varian away from him. This starts one hell of a fight.

Eugene starts yelling at the council, insisting that Varian needs him. It gets to the point where Rex has to physically restrain him.

Windu tells him that as long as they're part of the Jedi Order, Varian will be reassigned to a different master. They leave.

Varian doesn't like it there and Eugene can't stand the idea of Varian be taken away from him.

The two still join battles and help in the war, usually joing Anakin, Ashoka, and Obi-wan since those are the only three Jedi they still trust.

Since they are no longer apart of the Order they absolutely relish in their newfound freedom. The freedom to make mistakes and learn from them, the freedom to live their own lives, the freedom to love.

This is where their padawan/master relationship begins to more resemble that of Kanaan and Ezra, where Eugene is still teaching Varian but they are no longer bound by the rules of the Jedi.

It's the night after one of the battles that Varian and Ashoka convince Eugene to go back for the girl he once loved. He goes back for her and she is so excited and happy to see him that she doesn't even second guess herself on leaving her family to traverse the galaxy with this ex-jedi knight and his brother. Rapunzel immediately likes Varian and wants to protect him from everything bad in the world. In her words, "He's baby."

Their little family grows.

By the time the Clone Wars ends and the Empire is in power, the three of them have long since been out of contact with the Jedi so they're safe from Order 66. Although, not safe enough some would say.

Varian begs Eugene and Rapunzel for them to go back to his old home to get his dad but when they get to his old home, it's discovered that Quirin has long since disappeared and nobody knows where he went and most people think he's dead. And that's what Varian is told.

He has a mental breakdown over it, resulting in alot of stuff breaking via the Force and that alerts the Stormtroopers in the area of their presence and they have to flee.

A few years later they encounter a smuggler named Cassandra and her crew who consists of, Lance, Angry, Catalina, Nuru, Yong, and Hugo.

Surprisingly their groups become fast friends and they are in everything together.

---

So, that's it for now! Somebody feel free to use this AU because I'm super proud of it. Also I kind of drew something so... here, have this.

Lowkey kind of proud of this

(Btw: the beads in Varian's padawan braid have a meaning. The color of the beads indicates the padawans area of study. Blue=mechanics and yellow=lightsabers and other weapons which I thought was pretty fitting for him)

[thisismytransition-mason]

Their story doesn't have to be like mine

I was thirteen when I first started cutting myself, and fourteen when I started having suicidal thoughts, just a year or so older than my niece who will turn thirteen later this year. I look at her and I can’t imagine her having to bear that weight. I cant think of why any thirteen year old would have those kinds of thoughts, much less act on them. Young teenagers should be thinking about video games, sports, friends, school, dinner and even their attractions to other kids their age. They shouldn’t be uncontrolablly crying at three in the morning, trying to catch their breath hoping no one hears them sobbing. They shouldn’t be hiding razors under their bed, so that when no one is home they can cut the sadness out of their veins, and count how many pills are in a bottle, wondering just how many they’d have to swallow to make it all go away. Nobody should have to carry that weight on their shoulders, especially kids. I had a lot happen to me in the fourteen or so years before I began my insistent self destruction. I had been abandoned by my father, abused by my mother, and neglected by anyone I tried to tell my sadness to. I was always told just to be happy, and to give my worries to god, but I have hundreds of pages of written prayers to god and none of them stopped the sadness, in fact it just made me feel worse. It made me feel guilty for being in so much pain, I knew I was desecrating the temple of god (my body) but I couldn’t stop. So even god neglected my cries for help. When I finally told someone that I contemplated killing myself over and over again, they reached out to my mom. All I remember is that she was mad, she told me how selfish suicide was and that people who committed suicide went to hell. She also forced me to go to a funeral of someone who had passed away in our church to show me what death did to families. She yelled at me for cutting myself and told me if I wanted attention that I should have just “sliced and diced” myself in places where everyone could see instead of trying to hide it. When my school counselor suggested I see a school therapist my mom denied the offer because we don’t need psychology, therapists, or even medications, we just need god and prayer. So instead of sending me to someone who could help, she set me up with church member who dicipled youth group kids, which is just a fancy way of saying someone who does one on one bible studies with you. This lady also told me suicide was selfish and I just needed to pray when I felt like cutting. After a month of discipleship I faked being better and stopped meeting with her, though I continued to cut. A year or so later a very close friend of mine and I sat down and tried to explain, once again, to my mom what I was going through, especially at night when I couldn’t sleep and would stay up crying so hard I couldn’t breathe. This time she took it a little more seriously and asked the head counselor at the church about what was going on with me. Without seeing me, or talking to me, she concluded that I was having night terrors and assured my mom that I would grow out of them, which to this day I never have. For the next few years I believed I was having night terrors and that they would eventually just go away. I also tried to refrain from cutting, like it was just a bad habit, like you refrain from desserts on I diet. I failed at stopping, but got better at hiding it. It wasn’t until I was in college, studying psychology, that I realized I was not having night terrors at all, I was having full blown, severe, anxiety attacks, and I wasn’t just sad I was suffering from major depression. I was sick. I needed professional help. And maybe if I would have gotten the actually mental health care I begged for, maybe my current mental health would be in much better condition. Sometimes I feel angry about this and sad. I mourn for the younger version of myself, wishing that things could have been different for me, wishing that this kid I used to be didn’t have to carry around razors in their backpack and count pain pills when no one was looking. It wasn’t until just recently that I realized how young I really was and how tragic it all could have been if I had actually swallowed those pills. I don’t blame my mom for not getting me the right kind of help, she did what she thought was best for me at the time. I’ve forgiven her for the things that she said to me in those moments, though the remnence of that pain still lingers, I think it always will. Just because it was the best my mom could do for me at the time does not mean that it was right. These things can be prevented in future cases that are similar to mine. Psychology, therapy, and sometimes medication is absolutely necessary, and to refuse a child proper treatment, especially when they ask for it, and make them feel guilty for how they feel is nothing short of emotional abuse and neglect. Kids shouldn’t have to feel this way, but when they do they shouldn’t have to fight it on their own. Please don’t replace actual science and medicine with prayers and notions that happiness is something you choose, those things can help with bad days and circumstantial events, but when it comes down to a chronic depression and anxiety they just don’t work.

My mom gave me the nickname eyore (the sad donkey from Winnie the pooh), she noticed I slept way too much, and she read my journals. She knew I was sad but passed it off as me being a moody teenager and even made it into I joke at times. She didn’t know the difference between moody teenager and symptoms of depression and anxiety. Please make yourself aware of the symptoms and educate yourselves, even if your not a parent, its important to know for anyone you care about. I decided not to dump pills down my throat, but not everyone faced with that decision will chose my path. I had friends, a school counselor, and teachers who really cared about me and kept an eye on me, not every kid will have that. But every kid has some adult in their life who can be that for them, make sure you are available and educated enough to be that adult for them. Depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts are real illnesses, that deserve real treatment.